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New Technology |
Rectaltronics Research and Development Laboratories are always eager to bring the latest technology to Rectaltronic stereophonic butt-plugs. Here are a few of the things fresh from Engineering that are not yet ready for the catalog.
ChastityPlug
Rectaltronics' newest addition to the butt-plug product line features electronically controlled hydraulic positive vapor locking integrated with the Vac-U-Snap system and provides the most secure in-place locking of any butt-plug available. A manual over-ride is supplied via a miniature six-pin Medeco(tm) high-security key lock for security and safety, and a foolproof over-pressure alarm and bypass takes care of dangerous cavity pressures. Needless to say, the Chastity Plug is compatible with all Rectaltronics oscillator modules and control and interface systems.VAAPI
The Vibrating Apparatus Application Programming Interface is now fully documented and is an open and extensible specification. The Rectaltronics VSDK helps programmers work with the API, and integrates seamlessly with all popular compilers and Integrated Development Environments under all supported platforms as indicated in the Rectaltronics Compatibility Guide. Third-party vendors may display the Rectaltronics compatibility logo on products that are completely VAAPI compliant.
RectalNet
Rectaltronics has joined the Internet revolution with RectalNet embedded firmware. With a TCP/IP-compatible Rectaltronics interface and Rectaltronics controller with RectalNet firmware, you can use any attached computer equipped with an HTTP-1.1 compatible web browser to control, monitor, and administer your Rectaltronics butt-plug systems. RectalNet is fully configurable for custom port assignments, Secure HTTP, and LAN user authentication. A Telnet interface is also built-in for set-up and administration. A graphics and sound -capable web browser and computer are recommended for best results.We at Rectaltronics are always looking for new ways to enhance our products and reach new customers. Here are some ideas that have come from our sales and support staff, our field offices, and our most loyal customers. Some of these concepts may eventually make their way into production!
Goosegiving Plug
A traditional Thanksgiving plug fashioned from the thigh bone of a Canada Goose. Stuffed with cranberries, pumpkin pie, and Alka-Seltzer, this plug is ideal for those holiday travelers forced to spend Thanksgiving on a bus going nowhere.AnalSkin Plug
Are your favorite gridiron bozos going south to play golf? Take the worry out of being the laughing stock of the football pool with this fine plug made out of genuine pigskin. Shaped like a tiny football and inflated to 3,000 pounds per square inch, you're sure to get a bang out of this one at kickoff.Cross-check Plug
Don't know Gretzky from a hockey puck? You'll always be on a power-play with this fine plug formed out of frozen rubber. Cross-check is fitted with a pair of razor-sharp skates to permit easy insertion. In addition, every time you fart at the game, a siren sounds and a little red light comes on.Jam Plug
Winter traffic jams are on their way, and smart motorists are stocking up our fine Jam plug. Jam is made from 100% pure rock crystal salts, studded with half-inch tarmac- piercing cleats. An optional emergency compartment holds a half a gallon of gin and an anatomically correct inflatable doll in your choice of sex. Dolls available in 32 different species.ChargIt! Plug
Gift givers often fret at spending a year's wages during one holiday. No need to put a price tag on generosity with the new ChargIt! plug. ChargeIt! is packed with time-release enzymes that convert fecal matter into plastic. The miniature plastics extruder/former will produce an exact replica of your choice of credit card at the rate of one per hour (Dieters may experience a lower output). The former is programmed by an embedded Zylog Z80 chip with a black market supplied EEPROM to insure consistent and valid names and numbers for all major credit card companies. Happy shopping!Baker-maker Plug
Working moms too busy with careers or drug rehab to spend long hours in the kitchen baking those holiday goodies will welcome this year's model of the Baker-maker. Install this plug in the morning and by evening Baker-maker will have made dozens of chocolate-chip cookies, or a tray of brownies or fudge, or a delicious three-layer chocolate cake, complete with chocolate icing. A special optional attachment will allow you to make a quart of chocolate yogurt while you sleep!GlitterTree Plug Ensemble
Rectaltronics redefines family quality time with this new plug. Reviving the rich traditions of Christmas, the GlitterTree Family Buttplug Assortment adds a whole new dimension to Christmas tree ornaments. Now families can make and decorate their own family Christmas heirlooms. GlitterTree comes complete with a variety of interchangeable molds. Our patented quick-release system produces perfect shapes every time, ready to decorate. Each plug comes equipped with enough paints, varnish and glitter to produce a dozen ornaments. In optional attachment is available that will produce an angel to two phone wing span!
